Spy Caper! (Kind of...)

As Chloe and I were mopping up the ginormous blue Slusho she spilled on me at last night's Cloverfield screening, I noticed a very fancy lady out of the corner of my eye sporting a defiant, "Just try and entertain me -- I DARE YOU!" look on her face, and lightning struck! This pouty yup is the G.G. I shall spy on tonight!

The great thing about observing G.G.'s as opposed to, say, falcons or quasars, for example, is that you don't need to trek out to nature OR purchase a high-powered telescope to see them. They're not only available everywhere, but they're also visible to the naked eye! Even covered in melted blue raspberry corn syrup I could effectively complete my Project Jamestown homework from the comfort of my Lowes cineplex seat. This is a great victory for science.

As soon as I was as dry (but still very sticky) as I was gonna get without a shower and a change of clothes, I set out to gather intel from the lady. This is neither here nor there, but in my head I chose to call her "Miss Thang," because I enjoy nicknames about as much as I enjoy talking like RuPaul in my own private thoughts. We all know I'm list happy, so here are the things I saw, in linear form:

1) Miss Thang made her boyfriend get up to get her things about 97 times. Unfortunately, I didn't notice what any of those things were or how she got him to do it because I was blinded by his german shephard-like obedience.
2) When he was away said 97 times, Miss Thang slouched in her chair, continued to pout through her Lip Venom gloss and text-messaged her friends non-stop I'm guessing about how annoying it was that she had to spend Grey's Anatomy night watching a nerdy monster movie.
3) Miss Thang had that hairdo you can only get through a complicated process of using curlers and various expensive hair products. And it was raining outside. This is a classic G.G. superhero ability I must learn.

Overall, I learned I must: Pout unyieldingly, demand things, and act annoyed. I'M NUMBER 1! I'M NUMBER 1!

-Cate