ZOMG A SHIRTLESS HUNK!!!

Minutes after signing up for Match.com, (and paying eleventy billion dollars for their non-Dr. Phil package,) I received my first email. In case you're not familiar with the way Match works, an email is a step above a "Wink," which is free and basically just a way for someone to ask you if you think they're disgusting or not. If you wink back, they know you don't find them gross, and THEN they email you to ask you out.

So that being said, I was surprised my first suitor decided to skip the entire wink process and boldly email me with a "hey cutie! can i take you out sometime?" Such confidence! As the rules state, I have to accept this date unless I think he'll likely assault me, so I headed on over to his profile to gauge assault likelihood. HERE IS WHAT I FOUND:

1) He is a personal trainer (Free consultation! W00T!)
2) As such, he is ripped in that weird, 1950s, Jack LaLanne, bodybuilder kind of way, and has chosen to upload only shirtless photos of himself. Shirtless in Italy, shirtless in a hot tub, shirtless AT THE DAMN 7-11. He's like a shirtless "Where's Waldo." FUN! This goes on for about a dozen shirtless photos.
3) He's apparently HILARIOUS! His friends think he should be a comedian! A SHIRTLESS comedian! This will revolutionize the comedy world, believe me. Carrot Top, watch your ass.

Nudity aside, I've decided that although he definitely has the brute strength to assault me, he probably won't. I shall get on board with shirtless man and date him this weekend. Standby for updates.

-Cate