How I Dodged the 'Roid Rage Bullet Simply By Being Lazy and Inconsiderate

I hit the crazy jackpot! I hit the crazy jackpot! Check this shit out!

Shirtless-man-who-sometimes-wears-shirts-apparently and I had tentative plans for dinner on Monday or Tuesday. We hadn't chosen the day, time, or place, however. Come Monday, I was a little over dating, having had two in a row, so when he called me I chose not to pick up, simply because I needed a break. He left me a very polite voicemail, so I decided I would call him back at my earliest non-annoyance at dating convenience. The voicemail went as follows:

"Hi there! Hope you're having a happy Monday! I had a great time the other night, hope you did too! I'd love to see you again, so call me back when you get a chance."

What a sweet guy! I'll call him tomorrow! Yay! Then bitch went straight up Ike Turner on me. Eight hours after the nice voicemail, I get these texts from him. That's right, plural texts. He had so much rage to share that it spanned two whole text messages! Here is a direct transcript, grammar/spelling errors and all:

"i cant believe your blowing me of you whore! seriusly?! i take u out and by you drinks and u dont call me back???!!?! whatver! good!!! im glad i dont have to worry about catching your diseases now you fucking WHORE! FUCK YOU! WHORE!"

In his defense, this may not be an overreaction. I mean, he did buy me like 2 (well) vodka and diet cokes, and I did admit in my previous post that I wore red hooker heels to our first date. Maybe he meant "whore" in the professional sense, in which case it certainly stands to reason that I may have several venereal diseases. To prevent this kind of misunderstanding in the future, I'm considering only wearing white orthopedic nurse shoes to all my future dates. Then if I get a message with something like, "NURSE! I'M GLAD I DON'T HAVE TO GIVE YOU A PINT OF MY BLOOD NOW! FOR INFUSIONS FOR OTHERS! FUCKING NURSE!" I'll know the gentleman's confusion was the fault of my fashion choices, and not a side effect of his obvious steroid addiction.

ps - That Polish ex-girlfriend didn't move back to Poland. She's still here, and hiding. I know it.

-Cate