If you've never been to the hamptons, you deserve to die

I am obviously the slacker of the group, having not been on dates yet. The competitive side of me is pissed (I WANNA WIN!) but the practical side of me is screaming with glee that I haven't had to see any of these fools in person yet. Since things didn't pan out with IB this weekend, we have just been chatting on AIM. (MENTAL NOTE: Never EVER give your personal AIM to someone from a dating site. You will never have a free moment again and might lose all hope in the male species.)

I want to give you some gems from our conversations today, just to give you an idea where I am getting my angst. It's not only from Alanis I swear! Here we go....

IB: Hey, what's up? Sorry again about this weekend.
Me: No worries. What's going on?

(we talk about what we did this weekend. Boring and annoying.)

IB: Sorry, I had to talk to my boss
Me: It's ok, just don't let it happen again.

(I quickly realize that was a witty banter/ sarcasm, my mind races to rule # 9)

Me: Totally sarcastic by the way.
IB: LOL

(did I mention yet how my stomach turns at the site of "lol" - I'll post on that later. He goes on about more things I don't pay attention to.)

IB: What do you do in the summers? My friend has a boat, which is so awesome. It's a great time. I can't wait to have my own place in the Hamptons.
What I want to say: WHAT DO I DO IN THE SUMMERS? I WORK YA JERK! And the Hamptons? I JUST VOMITTED ON MY COMPUTER.
What I actually say: I actually haven't been to the hamptons. I hear its nice though.
IB: WHAT!? Like never?
Me: Nope
IB: Wow
Me: Yep, never been.
IB: Not even for a party?
Me: No
IB: Whoa, like the white party even?

(I don't think I spelled this one out enough. I H-A-V-E N-E-V-E-R B-E-E-N T-O T-H-E H-A-M-P-T-O-N-S! Got it now? Ok lets move on.)

Me: Not even the white party.
IB: Oh, well it's ok.

It was nice he forgave me for not having been to the Hamptons. I mean I really did commit a felony. For all the zero times I have met diddy he really was a jerk for not inviting me to his exclusive celebrity-only party. I guess I walked into that one by even talking to IB at all. Hope y'all enjoyed my day, we all know I did.