They can't be serious, right?

So nothing too noteworthy on the guy front. The first guy I went out with seemed like a little eager beaver at first--asked me to his apartment (but we'd been drinking) the first night, called two days after said first date, you know the one. I got the old "I'm going out of town this weekend" line, but he seems nice enough that I believe him. Anywho... said he'd call me while he was out of town, never happened. Haven't heard from him in about a week. What a prick! I was all G.G. and playing by the rules, too! I should have gone home with him after all!

Busy week at work, so haven't had a chance to meet more guys yet. And, you know, Lost is on tonight, and I've gotta watch that shit! Okay... back to my reason for posting.

So I keep getting these dudes who send me messages on the dating site that are so obviously generic and more or less SPAM! Seriously, I get 6 paragraphs all about you and you don't ask me anything specific you've seen in my profile? I mean, might be different if these guys were hot, or even able to speak English, but they're always complete douches!

Here's my example from today. 28 year old "breast surgeon." Wait... hold up. BREAST SURGEON? Like, is that even a term? Are you a plastic surgeon or are you curing cancer? That alone makes me think he'll rape and kill me, then give me Double Ds and throw my body in the East River. A few other tid bits that just annoyed me to the point where I don't even have to click on his profile to see what a fucking weirdo this one is:

1. His grammar is awful! I mean, it's obvious English is not his first language, but you're a "breast surgeon!" Don't they teach you grammar at breast surgery school?
2. He likes his ladies spontaneous and he doesn't like to tell them what to do. Okay... that right there makes me think that he's now a wife beater and secretly trying to hide his frying pan tendencies.
3. Back to the grammar... I can't on this one. He uses the word "shall" so much that I feel like I'm reading Bible verses!
4. He says he just saw the movie "Take The Lead," and was really inspired by it. Which, I guess, is why he's on a dating website.
5. Okay... one more grammar one. He would be "more than glad if you kindly join me on yahoo/MSN messenger." And also, does no one use AIM? I have YET to have anyone ask me what my screen name is, which is actually a blessing, come to think of it.

I think I'll have to pass on this "breast surgeon."

-Jessica

Non-booty call at midnight?

It's okay, Chloe! I've never been to the Hamptons, either. And I've even had connections with Diddy through work! Never even been invited. So it's okay. I understand.

Watched Millionaire Matchmaker last night and WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH THOSE GIRLS? Sheesh! If ever you want to talk about girls settling, that's the show for you! 25 year olds going on dates with 46 year olds? DISGUSTING! ACK! VOMIT! It was actually pretty funny, though! The old guy was naming his favorite bands (U2 and someone else I can't remember), and the girl said her favorite was Linkin Park. LINKIN PARK? Oh, please!

Anyhow, I guess I was slightly inspired by the Millionaire Matchmaker, because at about 11:55PM my guy decided to call me. No way in HELL I was going to answer that late. Now, he'd called me earlier in the evening and left a voicemail. I returned his call and left a voicemail. So it WAS his turn. But midnight? I mean, he does work late, but c'mon!

Poor guy. He did apologize and e-mailed a couple hours later. I honestly don't care. I almost picked up the phone, but that's not what a G.G. would have done now, is it?

One down, TONS more to go!

Sorry for the lack of updates! We didn't all three meet sketchy dudes and get raped and killed this weekend! I swear. See... we live! ALIVE!!!

I met my first dude this Sunday to watch the Giants game. All in all, good time was had. I've been talking to Cate and Chloe, and out of the three of us, I'm the closest to a G.G. I mean, sure, I still like to do non-G.G. things like get drunk, meet bartenders and go home with them. But I actually kind of like guys. Well, sometimes.

So anyway, my dude was really normal. And I stuck to all of the rules like a pro! Drank Bud Light (I figured I had to drink beer since it was a sports bar). Talked about a few G.G. things. Knew NOTHING about guy movies (though that's not a stretch for me, I really don't know shit about movies). Guess the date went well because he asked if I wanted to go back to his place as we were leaving. I said no! Holla at me! I fucking said no! The real Jessica would have for SURE gone back to his place. No kissing either.

AND... get this! That was Sunday, and today is Tuesday, and he already called me. Interwebs... I'm not talking about an e-mail. I'm not talking about a text message. He picked up the phone, remembered my name and he called me! Shocked, I let it go to voicemail. But I just called him back, so here we go! I'm turning into a G.G. !

-Jessica

Being a G.G. ain't easy

Damn! I really wanted to see Cloverfield last night. Had to catch a concert instead. And sadly, it was a pretty hipster show, so not too many G.G.'s around. But that's okay. I've known and still know quite a few G.G.'s that I'll grab my inspiration from.

These rules are going to be the end of me! Not that they're hard to follow, but I'm starting to feel like a puppet master, pulling the strings on these guys and manipulating them to do and say certain things. Is this how G.G.'s feel? Are they aware of this manipulation? I'm not sure!

My first guy, who I'm supposed to meet up with on Sunday, is being a goddamn girl about what bar we should grab drinks at. I can't. I'm trying to be as girly as possible, saying things like, "Sunday sounds great! Let me know what you're thinking," and "Let's definitely do that on Sunday! Just let me know where you want to go." His e-mails (SIDEBAR: YES! We're still only communicating through e-mail. He hasn't given me his AIM or a cell phone number yet. And being the good G.G. I am, I have to wait until he either gives me his number or asks me for mine. Cate and I were talking today... seems like the guys on Match are WAY more forward than Yahoo! She's going to be on the phone all damn weekend! Haha... ok, I'm back...) back to me are, "Do you know of a place that's not too crowded?" So in an effort to make sure this date doesn't fall through, I at least suggested a neighborhood. It's hard being a girlfriend girl!

-Jessica

Nasty, nasty boy!

I'm sorry! I just had to post this. Why are there a ridiculous number of super douchebags out there?



That image came out squished to hell, so I'll leave a transcription:
"Hey there sexy once i set my eyes on u, they are crazy glued onto you, it's really hard to get them off you...get @ me k peace."

Haha... poor kid, but shit! He did it to himself. There are a number of reasons I couldn't resist this one.

1. 20 years old and you're on a dating website? Jesus! I'm just about 25, and it seems like nearly everyone on these dating sites are way older than me.

2. Sorry you can't see, but the picture is HILARIOUSLY gross!

3. The language.

4. And the grammar.

Prince. Charming.

-Jessica

Poppin' the Jamestown cherry!

Welcome to Jamestown! And look at me... already snatching up dudes! I decided to do Yahoo! Personals. Sifted through the gross "hey mami!" messages and found a half way, non-rape me and kill me kind of dude, and started talking to him. But he's a fucking Boston fan (hah.. not the band, just sports)! Shit... watch this last until April and I have to buy a pink rhinestone Sox hat, since the rules say I have to.

So the guy actually seems pretty normal and nice. We've e-mailed back and forth a few times. He asked if I wanted to grab a drink in his second e-mail to me, so I got super girly and said, "I'd love to!!" Yes, two exclamation points. I felt it was necessary. So the guy suggested grabbing drinks Saturday night after he saw his friend's play. Not too keen on that idea; sounds too like too much of a booty call. Which actually sucks, cause normally I'd probably be so into that! But my new girlfriend-girl persona (not to mention the rules) say, "NO SLUTS ALLLOWED!" At least on the first date.

Anyway, just waiting to hear back on plans for the big date! Haha... this is hilarious! Go Jamestown!

-Jessica