It's All Al Gore's Fault!

Some people are goobers. And that's not their fault. They drink beer out of cans and they smash them on their heads. They are Tex-Mex enthusiasts. They think Jessica Simpson is hot. Depending on their arbitrary make preference, they put those stickers of that little boy wizzing on either a Chevy or a Ford on their cars. Many of them enjoy the band Tool. All of them enjoy Nickelback. I went on a date with one of these goobers. Check. It. Out.

1) The place he selected demanded an "OUTRAGEOUS!" (his words, not mine) $7 dollars per margarita, so he suggested we scoot it on down to the nearest generic dive bar. Being the demure and accommodating G.G. I am, I told him I thought that was a great idea, even though I thought it was a stupid and cheap idea.
2) After we sat down with our less-than-seven-bones hooch, he proceeded to talk about Tool. A lot. He talked about Tool without interruption for a good 20 minutes, despite my constant insistance that I don't listen to Tool and didn't know WTF he was talking about. He couldn't help himself. I mean, the sheer magnitude of Maynard's entrance at their last show brought him to tears.
3) He finally did shutup about Tool, though, and we moved on to the "What do you for a living?" conversation. He found out I used to work in the muzak biz and then proceeded to try to promo-guy me on about 50 of his friends' bands. Descriptions like, "They're like Bon Jovi! But they RAP!" abounded.
4) He insisted that Texas has a great wine country now. While I have no idea if that's true or not, I said something like, yeah, it makes sense, the climate is changing everywhere. This comment brought on a shit storm of a tirade about how global warming isn't real, Al Gore made it up for money or something, and it's all a big liberal conspiracy.
5) That's when Jameson shots became necessary. I don't know what we talked about after that (I kind of remember trying to tell him about my passion for touchdown dances?), but I DO know I was equally bored with it and peaced out rather early.
6) I then stumbled home to Jessica, threw my bangles in her general direction, and passed the eff out. The end!

-Cate

PS - Al Gore invented the internet.